I CAN Have it All by Jayne Ormerod

Dogs and vegetable gardens do not go well together. Call me a germaphobe, but I just don’t like the idea of dog poo in my oregano.

My instincts were confirmed in an article in yesterday’s local paper, The Virginian Pilot. The opening paragraph caught my attention:

“Animal waste tainting fresh produce is one of the major causes of food-borne ailments. So farmers markets and pick-your-own growers who fear fecal contamination are increasingly guarded about tolerating pets near their edibles.” You can read the entire article by clicking here.

My reaction was, “People really need to be told the basic sensibilities of life?”

But alas, yes, it seems people need to be told everything to think, feel, and do anymore. But that’s another topic for another more socially conscious blog. This one is about dogs.

I have waged a battle my entire adult life…do I want fresh grown vegetables and herbs or do I want playful pups? Pups won out, every single time! Fresh herbs can be procured at the market, puppy snuggles cannot.

A few years ago, I stumbled upon what I thought would be the perfect solution to my little dilemma. A stackable garden higher than an aging girl dog could pee, and I could tuck it discreetly away from the spot in the lawn where she routinely (more like religiously) did her business.

 

Problem solved! That year we enjoyed what I called the Scarborough Fair medley of fresh herbs (Really? You don’t know what the Scarborough Fair medley is? Why, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme, of course!) (Old Simon and Garfunkel song. You can listen to it here.) (I fear my age is showing…again!)

Anyway, things changed when we got the puppies, Tiller and Scout. Perhaps more aptly named The Destructo Brothers!

 

Don’t let that innocent look fool you. That stack of tissue paper did not shred itself! They LOVE to chew on anything and everything.

I let them out in the backyard one sunny afternoon and ran inside to do something real quick, and raced outside seconds later, to find my herbs scattered hither and yon throughout my backyard. Not full plants, but tiny pieces parts as if each tender little plant had provided 3.2 seconds of a tug-o-war before they’d moved on to the next. Three tiers (12 plants) gone in the blink of an eye.

When my husband came home with two flats of fresh herbs, I knew I had to do something. He very kindly cobbled together a fence made of castoffs and garbage-day finds. Voila! A little side yard for my garden that was safe from the pups. He then suggested I channel my inner farm girl. Nope, not gonna till that earth that had been a popular potty spot for the pups. I let my fingers do the shopping on the Internet and found the perfect solution. Something three feet off the ground, and would be tucked behind the aforementioned fence. It is 6 feet long and 2 feet wide. It is filled with over 2 dozen little (but growing quickly!) plants! It took a lot of fresh soil to fill the basin. A lot. Like 13 bags. Overall, I figure the one sprig of thyme I put in my last casserole cost me $50. It’s gonna be a long time before this little garden pays for itself, but in the meantime, it’s safe from the beasts. Any time a recipe calls for a soupçon of tarragon or a snip of fresh chives, I can walk outside and harvest all I need. All the time singing another old favorite song, “Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O.”

So, in this wonderful world of imaginative people who solve all sorts of problems, I CAN have it all…and more! If you’re ever in the neighborhood, stop by and harvest some basil or cilantro, I think planted more than I can use in a lifetime!

That’s all from this dog-loving city farmer this round. Next time I’ll wax poetic on the joys/horrors that are part of the every day life with rescue pups. In the meantime, I’m working hard on writing my second Mutt Mystery, tentatively titled “Yappy Hour.” Watch for more info on that, soon!

 

ABOUT JAYNE

Jayne Ormerod grew up in a small Ohio town then went on to a small-town Ohio college. Upon earning her degree in accountancy, she became a CIA (that’s not a sexy spy thing, but a Certified Internal Auditor.) She married a naval officer and off they sailed to see the world. After nineteen moves, they, along with their two rescue dogs Tiller and Scout, have settled into a cozy cottage by the sea. Jayne is the author of the Blonds at the Beach Mysteries, The Blond Leading the Blond, and Blond Luck, as well as a doze other short stories and novellas. Her most recent releases are Goin’ Coastal and To Fetch a Thief.

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A Funny Thing Happened When Dad Walked my Dogs

Before we get started, I want to offer a HUGE thank you to Heather Weidner and the other Pens, Paws and Claws bloggers who have welcomed me into the litter! I am truly honored to be amongst such great writers and animal lovers! This is going to be fun!

So, a little bit about myself, I write light-hearted mysteries that usually have a coastal setting and sometimes include animals. I figure it’s best to keep with that tradition while blogging here, so my first post is the true tale of the one (and only) time I let my dad walk my dogs.

My military husband had deployed for six months. I was left home with a toddler and two BIG dogs (combined weight 175 pounds! They weren’t supposed to be that big, but that’s another story for another day.) My dad, a 60-something apple-shaped man who never met a piece of pie he didn’t devour, travelled 400 miles to help me out for a few weeks. His “help” consisted of letting me cook for him and clean up after him while he sat and watched Golden Girls reruns. But, to his credit, having another adult to talk to during the day saved my sanity. One afternoon the toddler was being a toddler (cutting teeth, if memory serves), so given the choice of staying home with the cranky child or taking the dogs for a walk to burn off some canine energy, Dad chose the dogs. Off he went, leashed up to the usually well-behaved beasts for an anticipated 15-minute trot around the block.

He was gone a really long time. I got really worried. My fears ran the gamut from Dad suffering a heart attack to the dogs getting loose and running into traffic.

At the 52-minute mark, I strapped toddler onto the seat on the back of my bicycle and we went looking.

We found dad and the dogs about two blocks from home. He’d taken a wrong turn and gotten lost on the winding streets of our planned development. HUGE sigh of relief. We rode alongside to make sure he found his way home, all the while chatting about what I would cook for dinner that night.

“Uh-oh,” I said when I saw a calico cat perched on a neighbor’s sunny front porch.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“A cat.” My dogs didn’t like cats. And they especially didn’t like that particular calico who took great pleasure in taunting them as she cleaned herself while perched atop the fencepost in our backyard.

“What does that mean?” Dad asked.

The cat streaked across our path. “Hold on tight!”

Next thing I knew, my dad was on his bulbous belly, being dragged across a neighbor’s front yard. His arms were stretched over his head as he rocked back and forth, the leashes tight around his wrists as the dogs pulled him the length of the lawn. The cat jumped over the fence and disappeared. My dogs sniffed the ground where the cat had last set paw. My dad lay, stunned, with little bits of grass stuck to his face.

Yes, it was horrific, but I sheepishly admit I have never laughed so hard in my life. Tears streamed down my eyes and I couldn’t get a single word out. I still laugh at the memory.

We made it home without further incident. Dad’s pride was bruised, but his 200 body parts remained intact. The grass stains on his shirt and knees came out in the wash. My son would put his arms over his head and rock his body, imitating dad’s adventure, and we would all break out into peals of laughter again.

We laughed about his suburban version of his Nantucket sleighride the rest of his life.

Employing the old writer’s adage, “write what you know,” I used this experience to craft the opening scene in my first romance novel, Bailey’s Most Wanted. Don’t go rushing off to buy a copy, because nopublisher ever wanted to waste paper and ink on that one. While the first scene was great, I’m the first to admit it went downhill…fast…from there. Turns out romance is not my genre. While I enjoy reading it, I just can’t keep two desperately in love people apart for 300 pages. Stories need conflict! Hence, I found my niche in mysteries, wherein when the story gets boring, I kill off a character. But I do so with a soupçon of hilarity, because life—and stories—are better when filled with humor.

ABOUT JAYNE

 

Jayne Ormerod grew up in a small Ohio town then went on to a small-town Ohio college. Upon earning her degree in accountancy, she became a CIA (that’s not a sexy spy thing, but a Certified Internal Auditor.) She married a naval officer and off they sailed to see the world. After nineteen moves, they, along with their two rescue dogs Tiller and Scout, have settled into a cozy cottage by the sea. Jayne is the author of the Blonds at the Beach Mysteries, The Blond Leading the Blond, and Blond Luck, as well as a doze other short stories and novellas. Her most recent releases are Goin’ Coastal and To Fetch a Thief

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Welcome, Jayne Ormerod

Pens, Paws, and Claws would like to welcome author, Jayne Ormerod to the blog.

Tell our readers a little about yourself and your writing. My name is Jayne Ormerod and I am a write-aholic. I had an idyllic childhood, spending every free moment playing outside (a foreign concept to kids today!) A river ran through our property, surrounded by lots of woods to explore. There was always an adventure afoot, or a neighborhood baseball game to be played, or skateboarding to be done (down a HUGE hill, without a helmet! Lots of scrapped knees and elbows!) When not doing that, I was curled up reading, usually Nancy Drew adventure stories! I went to college (B.S. in Accountancy) and then spent 30 years as a military spouse, moving many times (19 for anyone counting). That afforded me the opportunity to meet many interesting people and live in many fun places. Except for one tour in Memphis, TN, we have always lived within a flip-flops throw of an ocean. A dream come true for a small-town Ohio girl. As a result, the majority of my cozy mysteries are set along the shore.

Tell us about your pets. Are any of them models for pets in your writing? We have two rescue puppies. One was an emergency rehome situation, and we were told he would be 20 to 30 pounds.  Well, he’s 47 now, and still growing! He has a lot of Great Dane in him (everyone says so but I am in denial). Our other puppy is a Pot Dog (that’s what they call free-roaming island puppies who sustain themselves on scrapings from the bottoms of peoples’ pots, mostly rice and beans) from Puerto Rico. He’s still growing, too, but seems to lean more towards Chihuahuas characteristics. But he’s a cutie! Tiller and Scout make our lives complete.

Tell us about any pets you have in your books/stories. Are any of them recurring characters? What are they and their names? In my most recent release, “It’s a Dog Gone Shame!” in To Fetch a Thief, the star of the show is a tawny terrier named Cannoli. We didn’t have any pets at the time so he is purely a figment of my imagination. But since then we have acquired two pound puppies whose antics will certainly find their way into my blog posts and future stories.

What writing projects are you currently working on? I am assembling some shorter-length cozy mysteries I’ve written in the past and throwing them together into one book. Title is Goin’ Coastal. It should be out in early December. Next project will be the third Blonds at the Beach mystery, working title Blond Justice. I wrote the first four chapters a while ago, just need to finish it. Only 27 chapters to go!

Did you have childhood pets? If so, tell us about them. My parents were cat people. We lived on a very busy road. We learned quite young not to get too attached to any of them. Sad, I know. But then someone who worked with my mom needed to get rid of a Siamese cat (seal point) who had been declawed. We got her and kept her inside. She lasted much longer! Her name was Punchy. She was a good mouser. We lived in an old farmhouse so there were plenty. It was quite common for my dad to wake up in the morning to find a dead mouse on his chest. I’m glad she never brought me any!

What’s your favorite book or movie that had an animal as a central character? Why? I loved the Cat Who . . . Mysteries. Maybe because the main feline characters were Siamese cats like Punchy. But they were also great cozy mysteries with lots of interesting settings. I would love to live in a converted apple barn!

What’s your real-life funniest pet story? My military husband deployed for 6 months. I was left home with a baby and 2 BIG dogs (combined weight 175 pounds!) My dad came to help out and offered to take the dogs for a walk. He didn’t know the area, and the neighborhood had lots of winding roads. He was gone a really long time. I got really worried. So I strapped baby onto my bicycle and we went looking. Found dad and the dogs about two blocks from home. We rode alongside to make sure he got there. A cat streaked across our path. I said, “Oh, there’s a cat.” He said, “What does that mean?” I said, “Hold on tight!” Next thing I knew my dad was on his belly, being dragged across a neighbor’s front yard. His arms were stretched over his head as he rocked back and forth (he had a big belly) as he was being pulled. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Don’t worry, only thing hurt on my dad was his pride. Oh, and he never offered to walk the dogs again!

What’s the most unusual pet you’ve ever had? I have limited myself to the customary cats and dogs, but my son once had a pot-bellied pig, making Jesus (so named since they got him on a Sunday) my grand-pig. I never got to meet him because the city where son lived said he couldn’t keep a farm animal. But he was very photogenic. Lots of stories there, too, none of which are fit to print on this family-friendly blog. (Did I mention son  was living in a fraternity house at the time?)

What are two things you know now that you wish you knew when you started writing? First, how challenging it is to sell books. Writing was the easy part! Hitting the bestseller list, not so much. The other thing is I didn’t think it would take so long to write one book. I mean, I can read a book in a week. I truly thought writing would go at the same pace, sit down and type the story. There is so much more to it than that. But will I ever stop writing because of these challenges? No way!

Where is your favorite place to read (or write)? Why? I have an upstairs porch that has comfy rocking chairs and if the wind is blowing just right I can feel the bay breezes and/or hear the surf crashing against the shore. Love to read there! Writing is anywhere my laptop can plug in (my battery no longer works…)

What advice would you give to someone who wants to be a writer? Just do it! Yes, the blank page can be daunting, but there is no better feeling in the world than typing THE END!

About Jayne:

Jayne Ormerod grew up in a small Ohio town then went on to a small-town Ohio college. Upon earning her degree in accountancy, she became a CIA (that’s not a sexy spy thing, but a Certified Internal Auditor.) She married a naval officer and off they sailed to see the world. After nineteen moves, they, along with their two rescue dogs Tiller and Scout, have settled into a cozy cottage by the sea. Jayne is the author of the Blonds at the Beach Mysteries, The Blond Leading the Blond, and Blond Luck. She has contributed seven short mysteries to various anthologies to include joining with the other To Fetch a Thief authors in Virginia is for Mysteries, Volumes I and II, and 50 Shades of Cabernet.

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Meet the Authors and Pooches of TO FETCH A THIEF

I’m really excited to have “Diggin’ up Dirt” in the Mystery Mutt’s first collection, To Fetch a Thief. I’d like to introduce you to the authors and their stories. This is a fun collection of dog-themed, cozy mysteries. Check it out.

“Hounding the Pavement” by Teresa Inge

Catt Ramsey has three things on her mind: grow her dog walking service in Virginia Beach, solve the theft of a client’s vintage necklace, and hire her sister Emma as a dog walker.  But when Catt finds her model client dead after walking her precious dogs Bella and Beau, she and her own dogs Cagney and Lacey are hot on the trail to clear her name after being accused of murder. 

Teresa Inge grew up reading Nancy Drew mysteries. Today, she doesn’t carry a rod like her idol, but she hotrods. She is president of Sister’s in Crime Mystery by the Sea Chapter and author of short mysteries in Virginia is for Mysteries and 50 Shades of Cabernet.

 “Diggin’ up Dirt” by Heather Weidner

Amy Reynolds and her Jack Russell Terrier Darby find some strange things in her new house. Normally, she would have trashed the forgotten junk, but Amy’s imagination kicks into high gear when her nosy neighbors dish the dirt about the previous owners who disappeared, letting the house fall into foreclosure. Convinced that something nefarious happened, Amy and her canine sidekick uncover more abandoned clues in their search for the previous owners.

Heather Weidner, a member of SinC – Central Virginia and Guppies, is the author of the Delanie Fitzgerald Mysteries, Secret Lives and Private Eyes and The Tulip Shirt Murders. Her short stories appear in the Virginia is for Mysteries series and 50 Shades of Cabernet. Heather lives in Virginia with her husband and a pair of Jack Russell terriers, Disney and Riley. She’s been a mystery fan since Scooby Doo and Nancy Drew. Some of her life experience comes from being a technical writer, editor, college professor, software tester, IT manager, and cop’s kid.

 “Dog Gone it All” by Jayne Ormerod

Meg Gordon and her tawny terrier Cannoli are hot on the trail of a thief, a heartless one who steals rocks commemorating neighborhood dogs who have crossed the Rainbow Bridge. But sniffing out clues leads them to something even more merciless…a dead body! There’s danger afoot as the two become entangled in the criminality infesting their small bayside community. And, dog gone it all, Meg is determined to get to the bottom of things.  

Jayne Ormerod grew up in a small Ohio town then went on to a small-town Ohio college. Upon earning her degree in accountancy, she became a CIA (that’s not a sexy spy thing, but a Certified Internal Auditor.) She married a naval officer and off they sailed to see the world. After nineteen moves, they, along with their two rescue dogs Tiller and Scout, have settled into a cozy cottage by the sea. Jayne is the author of the Blonds at the Beach Mysteries, The Blond Leading the Blond, and Blond Luck. She has contributed seven short mysteries to various anthologies to include joining with the other To Fetch a Thief authors in Virginia is for Mysteries, Volumes I and II, and 50 Shades of Cabernet.

 “This is Not a Dog Park” by Rosemary Shomaker

“Coyotes and burglaries? That’s an odd pairing of troubles.” Such are Adam Moreland’s reactions to a subdivision’s meeting announcement. He has no idea. Trouble comes his way in spades, featuring a coyote . . . burglaries . . . and a dead body! A dog, death investigation, and new female acquaintance kick start Adam’s listless life frozen by a failed relationship, an unfulfilling job, and a judgmental mother. Events shift Adam’s perspective and push him to act.

Rosemary Shomaker writes about the unexpected in everyday life. She’s the woman you don’t notice in the grocery store or at church but whom you do notice at estate sales and wandering vacant lots. In all these places she’s collecting story ideas. Rosemary writes women’s fiction, paranormal, and mystery short stories, and she’s taking her first steps toward longer fiction, so stay tuned. She’s an urban planner by education, a government policy analyst by trade, and a fiction writer at heart. Rosemary credits Sisters in Crime with developing her craft and applauds the organization’s mission of promoting the ongoing advancement, recognition, and professional development of women crime writers.

To Fetch a Thief

To Fetch a Thief, the first Mutt Mysteries collection, features four novellas that have gone to the dogs. In this howlingly good read, canine companions help their owners solve crimes and right wrongs. These sleuths may be furry and low to the ground, but their keen senses are on high alert when it comes to sniffing out clues and digging up the truth. Make no bones about it, these pup heroes will steal your heart as they conquer ruff villains.

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